Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
