I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
