Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
