well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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