just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
