Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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