I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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