you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
