Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
