Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
