Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
