Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I intend to get homeless drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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