God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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