i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
In America we eat man semen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
