Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
