Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want her autograph on my taint
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
