i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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