I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
