dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
