I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
