You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The ass gains better be worth it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
