I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
