About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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