Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
