If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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