whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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