my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
