I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
