none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
