I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
