In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
