the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
