I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
