I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
