I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
