At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
