i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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