i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
