Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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