I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
