i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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