So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
