he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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