uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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