The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
