bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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