Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
