I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
