One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
