Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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