So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
