Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
