I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
