Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
