Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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