That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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