Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
